Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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