i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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