i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
