I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
