i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There r osticjed everywhere
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
