I've blown a few things in my day
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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