the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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