dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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