Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
