She's JV to your varsity
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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