I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
