No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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