birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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