Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your cock deserves a montage
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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