You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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