Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Acid is not a monday night drug
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
