I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
