Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize