Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
