Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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