this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
this just has baby written all over it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
