your thong is hanging out like whoa
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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