So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
