idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
