went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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