Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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