I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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