okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
