i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
