I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
