hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
