i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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