You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You have to summon your inner elephant
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
