first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
