Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
