and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize