So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
