she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
