I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
