We're like a lot better than the average bears
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
