i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
