You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
