it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
