Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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