ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just invented taco cereal.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize