Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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