so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize