Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
