did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
