is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
