i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
