Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
