So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
