You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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