After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
only if we run a train.
done.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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