dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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