he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
