I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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