He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
