and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
