we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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