Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
