Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize