If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
