So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
