Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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