areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
