I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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