Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
