It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
