So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Still dying that you shit outside
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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