Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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