More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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