I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
