did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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