Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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