I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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