be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
