i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
