i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you would pick up someone in the library
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
