Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
