I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
